I am really struggling.  I am engaged in a process of information gathering for a site specific work (the site being the UK) about the function of an artist.  This type of information gathering takes time.  I am not struggling with that.  I want the process to embody my commitment to relationship-building as a material for my work and relationship-building takes time.  The struggle comes from my desire, no from my need to be making something with my hands.  Ideally this “something” would relate to the larger work however, I cannot think of what that something should be.

I think the eventual object to come from this work will be some sort of artist publication.  It seems the most authentic way to share the responses I am gathering and what I will come to think they mean.  I need more responses before creating the publication.  What can I create in the meantime?  It’s been a while since I made something.  I am starting to feel anxious, as if a crucial part of me is missing.  I am drawn to the time-consuming crafts I see all around me: the re-finishing of doors, the re-setting of a stone walkway and the sanding of stone walls.  I am envious of the tradespeople engaged in their labor-heavy and time-dependent pursuits.  I want to spend hours and hours doing one thing really well.

Communicating on the computer is no substitute for working with my hands.  It is lovely that it makes sharing ideas a global possibility but, for me, it is missing the hand.  I want to wake up each day and get to work repairing something and making it beautiful.  I want to see the time it takes to accomplish this pass in my attention to detail and care of the object.  I want to spend weeks re-finishing a door.